He dreamed
of her, the need so great it gave excruciating reality to every sensation, burning
them into his skin. Every imagined sound echoed through his soul, taking him
home.
Beautiful
Mei, her slim body curled around his side, the weight of her thick black hair
spread over his chest, a few strands fanning up to feather his cheek. He traced
the gentle valley of her spine, curled his fingers around her hip to softly
explore the sleek skin stretched taut across the bone. Even caught in the grip
of deep sleep she moved closer, the leg thrown over his thighs tightening and a
sigh whispering from her to warm him all the way through.
Holding his
breath so as to better feel the rise and fall of her ribcage, he treasured the
memory of each inhalation, the little rush of each exhale. Her body was so
slight, seemed too tiny to contain the lioness spirit he so loved, surely too
small to bear the weight of his desire. Sometimes he felt like a brute when his
body covered hers, the contrast between his hulking frame and her slender
beauty never more marked than then. But her arms always welcomed him, her eyes
encouraging every intimacy, no matter how rough. Mei would wrap her legs around
his waist and pulled him deeper, urging him to hurry, hurry and give her all he had.
Sometimes
she would push him onto his back, hands firm with determination as she mounted
him, taking him in one frantic plunge. As she rocked and swiveled, her prim
little mouth would whisper how much she loved the feel of his hardness
stretching her, how much he turned her on.
Did she
realize that, when they made love, just being with her filled him more
completely than his cock ever filled her sweet, wet pussy?
Body
growing taut with remembered ecstasy, he cupped the firmness of her ass, but did
so softly, not wanting to wake her. The cheek fit perfectly into his palm, and
he imagined letting his hand fall lower, fingers creeping between her parted
thighs and over the soft strands of hair, finding them damp with anticipation. He’d
explore her slowly with only the lightest touches, intentionally making her
crazy. Soon she’d be pressing against his hand, those little whimpers that
wordlessly begged for more breaking from her throat and driving him insane in return.
The
background of his mind—the part that never really slept but constantly
patrolled—went on alert, making him suddenly aware of the heat pressing down on
him, sealing him to the bed with a slick of sweat. A rumble sounded in the
distance, accompanied by a staccato rattle, like hail on the roof.
Not thunder
and hail—explosions and gunfire.
Anger
gripped him that the sounds of conflict should intrude on his memories of her.
The two things didn’t belong in his brain at the same time, should never come
in contact, even remotely. That was why he fought, put his life on the line so
that Mei and their kids would never have to live with the constant fear of
violence, never lie in bed and hear bombs going off down the road. Even her
dream presence at such a time was an abomination to everything he stood for. It
made the steel in him harden, grow cold with rage.
Shhh…
He tried to
ignore her voice, push Mei aside and lock her back into the recesses of his
mind where the horrors of Afghanistan, in the throes of its deadly struggles,
couldn’t touch her, even in his imagination.
She
wouldn’t go.
Instead her
hand, now pressed over his heart, was warmer than the sultry air, and the brush
of her lips against his chest were more real than the hardness of the cot
beneath him.
It’s all right, darling. Mei’s fingers circled, rubbing with soothing intent. Let go.
Any moment
now the siren would go off, ripping him out of his dream and into action.
Instinctively he squeezed her tighter than he ever would have had she really
been in his arms. In his dreams he didn’t have to temper his strength.
Yes, darling. He couldn’t decide if she sounded sad, or merely
winded from the hug. Hang on to me.
But
conversely her words made him loosen his hold. She tightened hers on him
instead.
“They’re
gonna need me. Any minute now they’ll sound the muster.”
She lifted
up on one elbow, and her breath fanned his cheek as she said, “Stay here with
me until they do, Jack.”
He couldn’t
refuse her anything. She knew it too, but never asked for the impossible or
more than he could give without surrendering his soul. It was one of the things
he loved most about her. He knew the life he offered wasn’t what she would have
chosen for herself, wasn’t anywhere near ideal. Hell, she’d given birth to
Donny alone but never once blamed him for it. When he brought it up she just
shrugged and reminded him that she’d known who and what he was from the
beginning. That on their first date he’d told her he was a lifer—Army to the
core.
It was
something he needed—the knowledge of being a part of something bigger, more important
than himself, of being of service to others in a fundamental way. Once he met
her a new dimension had opened in his life, one he never wanted to lose, but a
life of service wasn’t always compatible with having a relationship. Sometimes,
even now, he wondered if it could really last. Then he’d look into her eyes, see
the unwavering acceptance, and fall for her all over again. Her refusal to make
him choose between duty and love chained him to her with an unbreakable bond.
The rumble
of conflict still sounded, now accompanied with the thud of booted feet and the
roar of engines firing up. He should be out there. Who knew what was happening,
which of his comrades may be hurt, in need of reinforcement? Yet longing to
give in to her plea made him hesitate.
As though
sensing his indecision, she whispered, “Stay, until they come to get you.”
So he
subsided onto the cot, sank back into the dream, even while still listening to
the hellish sounds of the outside world. But they were fading slightly, ceding
to the strength of his need for just a little more time to dream of home.
“Ah, Jack.
My Jack.”
Mei touched
her lips to his so softly, so swiftly he had no time to respond. Then her mouth
drifted lower, all the way to his chest, and he caught his breath. When her
teeth grazed his nipple, he exhaled with a groan.
The thunder
grew louder, and Jack tensed.
“No, my
darling.” Warm air blew across his abs as she spoke, and the stress of combat
was instantly transmuted to coiled desire. “They haven’t come yet. Stay.”
“Mei.” He
couldn’t let the fantasy continue. It was the worst possible time to be lost in
her enchantment. Tangling his fingers into her hair, he tried to hold her
still. “I have to go.”
But not
even ten years of army discipline could help him when she whispered once more,
“Stay,” and touched her tongue to the tip of his cock.
“Oh, God.”
Squeezing
his eyes even tighter shut, he gave in to the wet heat of her mouth moving
slowly, gloriously over his flesh. In repose it was such a prudish looking mouth,
with thin, solemn lips and slightly downturned corners. Even when Mei smiled it
was usually with a quality of restraint that brought to mind schoolteachers and
librarians. But when she sucked him—oh, God, when she sucked him—the slip of
her tongue, the ravenous way she surrounded his cock, gave lie to those
impressions.
And the
memory of looking down, seeing that proper little mouth opening, taking him in,
always shot his arousal into the stratosphere. Remembering the way she wriggled
and moaned, pleasure in what she was doing evident in every move and sound,
drove him crazy.
But she was
forcing him to the edge of orgasm too quickly, the suction of her mouth and the
play of her hand on his balls making him fuck up to meet her every downward plunge.
He pulled
her away, groaning as she pressed against his hands, obviously wanting to go
back to what she was doing.
“Let me
love you, Jack.”
He
shuddered. Those were his favorite words in the world. A bomb could fall on his
tent, killing him instantly, and he would die happy with his last memory being her
saying that.
Without
replying he pulled her up and over so she draped across his chest, and took her
lips, inhaling her breath, trying to steal her soul, the way she’d stolen his.
Mei opened her mouth for him, welcomed him with a sound of such need his balls drew
up tight and his arousal went from insistent to desperate. Yet the kiss was
sweet—filled with desire but not frantic—all soft sweeps and tangles of
tongues, breathy moans.
The slight
weight of her body on his was perfection. Her warmth and scent soaked into his
pores, until his entire world once more shrank to her—only her.
He couldn’t
stop his hands from moving, reveling in the sleek skin, delicate muscles, and sinuous
motions of her body, her back and arms, nape and shoulders, buttocks and
thighs. Getting lost in her was so damn easy. Sliding his lips across her cheek,
he aimed for the sensitive spot behind her ear, but she turned her head,
following his motion.
“Jack,” she
whispered against his mouth. “Kiss me more. Don’t stop.”
Nothing. He
could deny her nothing. So he lifted the fraction necessary and gave her his
heart once more through his kiss. Mei took it, as she always did, and the
caressing motion of her lips said she would always keep it safe.
But he wanted
more—needed more—yearning blasting over him like the wash of a jet engine on
takeoff. Reaching between her thighs to find the slick, wet flesh, he teased
her clit with a butterfly stroke, was rewarded by her gasp, the trembling of
her thighs as they gripped his waist. Suddenly her gentleness disappeared, and
he felt the lioness awake. Little growls of pleasure rumbled from her throat as
she nipped at his tongue and lower lip, and her fingers dug almost painfully
into his biceps. She pressed down, trying to increase the contact with his
finger, but he locked his arm around her waist and held her in place.
She was so
hot and wet, slick as drenched satin. It always thrilled him to know he could
do this to her, bring out her desires with nothing more than kisses and the
love that boiled fierce beneath his skin. With more light strokes he tormented
her, knowing the gentle exploration wasn’t what she wanted. Slowly he slipped
the tip of his finger into her, just up to the first knuckle, feeling her inner
muscles clamp down, try to pull it farther in. When he withdrew, the sound she
made into his mouth was feral, and he couldn’t help his huff of laughter.
Finally
breaking the kiss he pushed her to sit up, straddling his abdomen. Mei tried to
slide back, intent on getting his cock into her, but he gripped her hips hard,
held her still.
“Jack.” Her
voice cracked slightly and the sound of it made his cock pulse.
“Hold on,
baby.” He slid one hand up to cover a breast, heard her gasping exhalation when
he tweaked the tight nipple between his index and middle fingers. “Give me a
little more time.”
Arching her
back pushed her breast farther into his palm. “All the time you want.”
Her breasts
were so sensitive, so responsive. With a couple of pinches the nipples were as tight
as they could be and she was panting, the instinctive jerking of her hips
leaving a slick, wet trail on his stomach. When he curled up and took one
furled peak into his mouth, Mei held onto his head and cried out his name
again.
Inch by
inch he licked, sucked and nipped all around the small mounds, worshiping the
tender skin. He’d never understood her dissatisfaction with her breasts. To him
the size wasn’t as important as the way his touching them drove her wild. That
was a treasure beyond price.
“Oh God,
Jack.” She was rubbing her pussy against him, harder and harder, with jerky,
shuddering motions. “I want you so bad.”
Dropping
back against the pillow, he lifted her effortlessly, bringing her pussy up
toward his lips. Mei kept her grip on his head and settled over his face with a
little moan, spreading her legs, bracing her knees on the pillow.
He didn’t
know why, but this position always made him feel vulnerable, as though the
pinning of his head to the bed with her body and muffling of his hearing by her
thighs put him at a disadvantage. For a man not used to feeling in any way
helpless, it was an almost claustrophobic sensation that brought with it a
jagged stab of fear. She was the only one he would let shackle him this way,
and the knowledge of that truth only heightened his enjoyment.
Sometimes
he let her set the pace, but this was his dream, and he didn’t give her that
opportunity. Gripping her ass, he brought her into full contact with his mouth,
held her there as he swept his tongue from the entrance of her pussy up to her
clitoris. Opening his mouth as wide as he could, creating suction, he tried to
drink her, eat her whole. The taste of her, her scent and the sensation of her
slick folds on his tongue always drove him wild. He couldn’t get enough. Over
and over he lashed at her pulsing flesh, until he heard from her rhythmic,
escalating cries that she was close to coming.
Closing his
lips over her clit, lashing and sucking, he took her over the edge. Mei tensed
and bowed, nails digging into his scalp, and the wild, high sound of her
release almost made him lose his mind. Her hips jerked, making him tighten his
grip on her ass so as to keep contact with the pulsing flesh. She tried to pull
away, but he wouldn’t let her. He wanted more—more of her scent inundating his
head, more of her taste filling his mouth—more of her heart-shaking pleasure at
his touch.
Pressing
his tongue flat to her clitoris, forcing himself not to move, he gentled her, yet
kept her simmering just at the boundary of arousal. The rhythm of Mei’s
orgasmic contractions slowed, her body relaxed in his hands. But her breathing
was still ragged, and her hips began to move in a subtle, circular motion,
telling him she was once more climbing towards ecstasy.
Easing her
body up slightly so as to slick his tongue through her folds, he lapped slowly,
resisting the urge to lash her to another quick orgasm. He loved making her
come over and over, always wanted to leave her limp and completely spent at the
end.
She was
mewling, pressing down against his hands, obviously wanting him to go faster,
harder. But he ignored her demands, taking his time, circling her hole,
caressing the smooth skin behind it, tickling over her hard little clit. Once
more her nails scraped his scalp, her thighs tightened on either side of his
head. The speed with which she was again scaling the wall of pleasure made his
cock pulse in sympathetic desperation.
“Jack,” she
cried, her need echoing between them. “Oh, Jack, you’re making me crazy.”
She wasn’t
alone. He couldn’t take much more either. But this time he wanted to watch her
come, needed to see her porcelain skin flushed pink and damp with desire, watch
her face contort and her lips part as she panted and cried out. And there was
always a moment when she opened her eyes and looked at him with a glazed,
almost surprised expression, as though she couldn’t believe what she was
feeling. He lived for those moments, for the instinctive, love-filled smile she
gave him just before she reached her peak. Then, just for that split-second, he
truly felt like a hero—her hero—and life was complete, perfect.
With one
swift movement he rolled her onto her back. Leaning over her, he absorbed her
heavy-lidded eyes, the way her lips appeared slightly puffy from his kisses,
the rosy glow that suffused her cheeks, neck and chest. She held out her arms,
opened her legs and tilted her hips up, inviting him to do what they both so
urgently wanted.
Sound
boomed through the tent, and he started to roll away, tried to shake himself
out of the dream. He’d been so into it he felt disoriented, couldn’t tell
whether what he’d heard was a bomb, mortar or tank fire. He had to go, throw on
his fatigues and get out there. Why hadn’t the muster sounded? Why hadn’t
someone come for him?
He was
struggling to get off his cot, realized something was wrapped around his chest,
holding him back.
“No, Jack.
It’s just thunder, baby.”
He shook
his head, trying to dispel the lingering sense of unreality. It sounded so much
like Mei, as though she was really there. But she wasn’t, couldn’t be. His
brain insisted he fight to get free, get out and do his job, but his body
wouldn’t listen. Not even in the grip of a hallucination would he risk hurting
Mei. Adrenaline pumped through his system, driving his heart rate to maximum
speed, making his muscles twitch with the need to move, to battle his way
through to the other side—back to sanity.
“Sweetheart,
please. Look at me.” A soft hand pressed to his cheek, trying to force his head
around. “Jack, you’re home. You’re with me.”
“No.” He
shook his head, realized his eyes were closed, didn’t want to force them open
and see that it really had all been a dream. “No. I have to go. They need me.”
“I need you
too, Jack. Let me have you now. Please?”
It was the
sound of tears in her voice that made him open his eyes and turn his head to
look, although now he knew for sure it must be just a dream.
Mei never
cried.
But she was
weeping now, dark eyes wide, rivulets of tears streaking her cheeks. Jack
blinked, shook his head to clear his suddenly blurred vision, his stomach
clenching with anguish. Unable to maintain contact with her shadowed gaze, he
let his slip around the room. It was their bedroom. The bed they were on was
the one they’d bought together just before they married. The dark shapes of
dressers and rocking chair were familiar in the gloom. Even unable to see them
he knew exactly where the pictures of the kids were on the wall and that the
darker square on the bedside table was the wedding picture of Mei and him. The
sheer curtains at the window fluttered in the breeze, and he knew he’d lifted
the sash just a little before bed, as he did every warm night.
Lightning
lit the room, was followed a few seconds later by a crack of thunder. Jack
winced. Mei’s arms tightened around his chest.
“I’m
sorry.” He’d never had trouble apologizing before, but now the words stuck in
his throat, trapped by shame and fear. Coming home, getting back into the family
routine and relaxing his guard was never easy, but this was different. He could
have hurt her…
“Jesus.” He
lunged to turn on the bedside light. When he twisted back towards her, the
shock on her face made him pause, but only a moment. He wanted to cup her
cheek, check every inch of her skin for bruises but hesitated, not knowing how
she would react. His hand, suspended between them, was shaking, his heart pounded
in his throat. “Did I hurt you?”
“No!” Mei
clasped her fingers around his and pressed his palm to her chest, right above
her heart. “You would never hurt me, Jack.”
He wished he
had her certainty, tried to bring his dream into focus so as to know for
himself whether she was telling the truth. But it was all a blur. “Are you
sure?”
“Positive.”
She feathered her fingertip over his cheek to his lips. When she traced
back-and-forth across the lower one, a shudder tripped down his spine. “You
blew my mind.” A little frown wrinkled her brow and she glanced down for a
moment. When she lifted her gaze back to his, determination firmed her lips. “I
just wish it hadn’t all been part of a dream, a nightmare for you.”
He couldn’t
deny it—hated that he couldn’t—but he also couldn’t let her think of it that
way. In the army they taught you not to let small problems become big ones, to
deal with things immediately so no one got hurt. Risking her rejection, he
reached for her, sighed with relief when she came to him willingly, eagerly,
like she always had.
“It wasn’t
a nightmare, Mei.” Gently settling her back on the bed he leaned over her, giving
himself permission to caress her torso until his hand came to rest on her
breast. Her nipple immediately began to tighten and he couldn’t resist playing
with it, rolling it slowly until it became a stiff peak once more. She drew in
her breath with a little hiss, her eyelids drooping slightly, and he felt the
tension in his gut ease a little more.
“When we’re
apart, thoughts and dreams of you keep me sane.” Bending, he pressed a soft
kiss to her solemn lips, spoke against them. “I remember everything about
you—the way you look coming out of the shower or brushing your hair, cooking,
cuddling with the children—everything. I lie in bed pulling out memories and
playing them in my head like movies, hurting, longing just to see you. And when
I come home, it’s as though my brain can’t quite accept that I’m back and keeps
doing the same thing, thinking of you, longing for you, even though you’re
right beside me.”
The tip of
her tongue swept his lower lip, and she lifted her arms to twine around his
neck, one hand sweeping down his back, the other curling around his nape. “So
all we did are things you dream of doing to me while you’re away?”
“Those and
more.” He inhaled sharply as her palm slid around to his groin, her fingers
finding his cock and bringing it back to full erection with just a light touch.
“You know I have a really good memory.”
Her little
laugh, the slow pump of her hand, brought the fire back to raging life under
his skin. Following her lead, he cupped her mound, parting her pussy lips and
sinking his fingers into her heat. The instinctive upward jerk of her hips, the
parting of her thighs to give him full access, caused a rush of desire so powerful
it made his head spin.
“What do
you think you’d have dreamed next?”
Jack rolled
on top of her, settling between her thighs, both of them moving with the ease
of long, satisfying practice so that his cock was immediately perfectly
positioned.
“I’m sure this
was it.” He sank into her slowly, gritting his teeth against the intense
pleasure of having his hardness surrounded, welcomed by her slick, hot walls. Holding
back when all he wanted to do was thrust them both to orgasmic oblivion. “I
wanted to watch you come. I need that so much.”
Mei moaned,
closed her eyes. Soon she was panting and whispering how much she loved to feel
his cock inside her, how hard he was, how close she was to coming. So delicious
to hear such dirty words from that prissy little mouth again, and the sight and
sound sharpened his need until it bit at his belly, gathered like a
conflagration in his veins. Jack pushed the urge to come aside, keeping his
movements long and powerful, the way she liked them. A flush rose to stain her
cheeks again and her pussy clasped him, the contractions getting faster and
stronger as she rocketed towards climax.
Suddenly
her eyes popped open and the look she gave him, filled with love, overwhelming
passion and that funny, adorable hint of surprise, made his heart swell. The
heat in his groin coalesced, dropped into his balls and pushed him into orgasm
just as she cried out, her pussy milking his cock until he thought he’d pass
out from the pleasure.
As he
rolled over, pulling her against his side once more, he wanted her to understand.
He wasn’t good with words, with emotions, but she needed to know. So he tilted
her head up to look at her and whispered, “You’re home to me, Mei; home and
peace and sanity. I can do anything when I know you love me.”
Then he
kissed her once more. Her answer came in the sweetness of her response, the
tightness of her arms holding him as close as possible. Outside the storm moved
farther away, and sounds of war retreated from his dreams.
